Beauty and the Bonnet

There is a debate raging in the African American community regarding bonnets. For those who don’t know, a bonnet is also referred to as a sleep cap; something worn at night to protect our hair from fabrics known to draw oils from our hair. My bonnet has a name: Cap-o-Beauty (Butay). We are dear friends, but our friendship is between us and those who live in my household.

Comedian Monique recently posted a serious piece about bonnets being worn in public. Her concern was for the lesson we are teaching our young people, especially young girls, about taking pride in their appearance, loving themselves, and our responsibility as adults to speak up and help young women when we see this taking place in a public space. She stressed that she wasn't referring to religious head coverings or ethnic head wraps, still the pushback was swift and fierce. There are three camps: Teach Monique, Stay out of my Business, and This is Silly, There are Bigger Problems.

I am camp Teach Monique. Yes, there are much bigger problems to deal with: voting rights being stripped away, Black Lives Matter, social justice inequities, pipeline to prison, education, etc. A discussion about bonnets may sound silly, but it is emblematic of a much deeper problem not just in the African American community, but in our society at large. We have lost our grace and elegance. I am not speaking of economic status or class. What I am speaking of is our ability to carry ourselves with pride and dignity.

My mother used a term that I thought she made up: Slubborn. She would chide us and say, “stop looking so slubborn.” As it turns our slubborn is defined as a combination of “stubborn” and “slovenly”. We are slubborn when we intentionally and stubbornly don’t care how we look when we leave the house. Recently, I finally came out of my COVID bubble, ventured to a local mall and wanted to cry. Bonnets, pajamas, slippers, braless (DD+ should never go without support) and too small booty shorts. WHAT HAS HAPPENED?

I grew up poor, as did many of my neighborhood friends. What my mother taught me was to take pride in myself, take care of what I did have, keep myself and my clothes clean, and most of all, when I leave the house know that I represent parents and elders. Momma did not have fine clothes and jewelry, but you would never know it. She carried herself with class and elegance; nails always polished, hair neat and clothes clean and pressed. She set the standard and we followed her example. My friends were raised the same way.

Depression and poor self-esteem manifests itself in a varity of ways. One is our appearance. Why is this important? Because many important conversations are taking place in our nation and as African Americans, we must be at the table. Would you take someone seriously who came to the proverbial table in a bonnet and bedroom slippers? Stop lying, no, you would not. We have vital things to contribute, we are educated, articulate and our voices must be heard. Even if you never finished school, are unemployed, have a house full of kids, you don’t have to look like your circumstances. Lest anyone think I am picking on a particular socio-economic population; I have seen luxury cars pull up to Walmart with women wearing bonnets and slippers. It needs to stop.

Just like we implore your young men to pull up their pants, the same applies to how we as women present ourselves; take pride again in our appearance. If we as adult women set the standard, young women and girls will follow. Each one reach one and teach one. 

June 7th update

The party has transitioned into a trip. Yes, it did get a little out of hand. I want to enjoy the day, not work and stress through it.

It's all about love. 

Rotating the Sun

This year, should the Lord say the same, I turn 60 years old. Wow, 60!!! Sixty, I'm not freaking out about it. Indeed, it is a blessing to have reached this age. My eldest brother George did not; transitioning at the young age of 36. Excitement abounds as I look forward to Juy 19, 2021. I am planning my first birthday party. That's right, I've never had a birthday party that I can remember. Yes, my mom had the traditional first year party, but I don't remember any growing up and certainly, not as an adult.

Don't gasp, this was just not who my family was. Dad was the only social butterfly in the family. Momma, a true introvert in every sense of the word, was not a party planner nor was she comfortable with entertaining people. Then came me. "You are a true Johnson" and she was right; just like my dad.

And so, I find myself planning a party. What started out as a simple gathering of friends (my biological family consists of my brother Kevin and my Aunt Lois.) This thing has taken on a life of its own: tent rentals (COVID is keeping things outdoors), DJs, live musicians (Don't judge, I know some fabulous musicians), insurance, etc. Friends are gifting some food, etc., but it has BLOWN UP and, I love it!

I posted a question on Facebook asking if it were inanppropriate to establish a gift registry for your own birthday party. The question was truly asked in jest as I would never do something like that, its just not me and I certainly don't need anymore STUFF. 95% of the responses were "Yes", "Do it", "It's your party", "Why not?". There were a few who thought the idea was tacky, shaking heads in disgust memes, and "I would never do it, but you do you." If you know me, tacky, lacking good taste and inappropriate are not accurate adjectives to describe me.

As I processed the responses, again asked in jest, I settled on a few things. First, I will be 60 years old. Approval from anyone is not required. Why are we so concerned with societal dictates in the first place?  Secondly, who determines what is or isn't appropriate? And lastly, what about all the single, childless people who have spent untold amounts on baby shower, bridal showers, wedding showers and anniversary gifts?

This last question caused me to really ponder. WHAT ABOUT ME??? While I definitely, don't give to receive, I would ocassionaly like to be on the receiving end. Once I entered my 40s and began to realize marriage and parenthood might not be in the cards for me, I considered having a wedding for me and Jesus complete with wedding gown. STOP LAUGHING!!! That idea was nixed when I realized my family would have me committed and worse still, no one would come.  

So, here I am, turning 60 and giving God praise for all He has brought me through; every mountain top and every valley. I'm entering my "crone" phase where I really don't care what anyone thinks about my appropriateness and I'm free to speak my mind in love. All I want is to share my special day with family and friends. Don't worry about the gift registry, there won't be one. CashApp on the other hand...revkathyj@gmail.com.

2021 The Winds of Change

 

Whew, what a relief to be out of 2020! A year that was so hard for so many. A year that leveled me to the core and knocked the wind out of me. The deaths of seven people, in a span of six months, who had a significant impact on my life, including my best friend of 49 years. She and her husbands were both lost to COVID 19. Like most people, I obeyed the lockdown and followed the instructions to wear a mask, wash my hands and maintain social distance when in public. Was I obeying instructions, or was I hiding out? It was a little of both. Waves of depression caught me and held me tight; I stayed indoors.

The realization of self determination hit me by year’s end. I literally woke up one day in early December feeling lighter and very optimistic. Literally, I woke up from a dream laughing; literally laughed myself awake. As I rose, these were my first words: “Today is going to be a good day.” It was, and the winds of positive change are here.

Hello my friend 2021. This is a milestone year. The year of my 60^th circle around the Sun, should God say the same. Though some of the same problems exist; what has changed is my attitude. I am not a victim! I am a survivor and God has GREAT THINGS in store for me! So, this year begins with a high level of expectation. I embrace the changes and challenges and I thank God for it all. Every challenge overcome gives testimony to God’s faithfulness, grace, and mercy. Every opportunity for positive change, reflects His love for me.

Loving myself as I am at this moment. Realizing that I am enough. A new start as a freelance journalist, recommittal to my Mary Kay business, seriously focusing on improving my health and walking closer to God; holding to His hand and feasting on His word. Come on 2021 LET’S GET TO IT!

Realizations not Resolutions

  2018 was an amazing year of accomplishments, self discovery and self actualization. The year began with my Ordination as a Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and ended with a sense of personal growth and gratitude. As 2019 begins its ebb and flow, I look back and reflect on decisions made, and their consequences.

Healthy self-esteem has always been my personal challenge. Not feeling good enough, smart enough, pretty enough; all of the “not-enough s”. Always looking for the approval of others, or allowing their perceived opinions to play a significant role in my decisions. “Truth or Consequences” was my church's first sermon of 2019. In a nutshell, when God gives a directive, you make the decision to see it through or not. To accept God’s truth or the world’s. Each decision, yay or nay, comes with its own consequence.

As I reflected on the message and how it applied to my life, The Holy Spirit revealed two decisions that were deeply buried. Several years ago, while still a member of my home church, God began to tug at my heart. I was experiencing what I would come to realize was the call into the Ministry. At the same time, another younger woman came forward accepting her call and was ultimately licensed. Low self esteem kicked in: Certainly I’m not as smart as she is (being smart has nothing to do with who God calls), people will think that I am just trying to copy her, what will people think? Ultimately, I did not acknowledge my call until a few years later.

At the same time, again not recognizing what was happening, I began to feel the call to a seminary education. Unfortunately for me, a dear friend expressed an interest in attending seminary. She did not feel called to vocational ministry, but was a Lay leader at her church and wanted to further her education. At that time, I had the means and desire for seminary but again allowed low self-esteem and the fear of being considered a copycat keep me from enrolling (Ultimately, neither did she). Those two decisions greatly affected how and when my licensing and Ordination would come.

Just like the Hebrews spent 40 years in the desert because of disobedience, God said, I called you, but you ignored me because of what you perceived to be truth rather than what I told you. Now, I will still get My glory. You will be all I ordained you to be, but you will have to take a desert journey to get there. Almost ten years passed from the time I acknowledged my call until my Ordination. During that time, my window for seminary closed, and I watched countless other women accept their call, attend seminary and become ordained while I cheered them on from the sidelines.

But that's not how this story ends. Psalm 46:10 says “Be still and know that I am God”. God made a way through the desert just like He parted the Red Sea. I was placed under the pastorate of a nurturing, but serious Woman of God who stressed “no Ordination without serious denominationally approved educational preparation”. During those desert years, my feet were put to the fire through years of service as a licensed, but not ordained Associate Minister. God opened the windows of heaven and pored out the blessing of a three year track of study created and approved by our American Baptist Denomination. On January 7th 2018, I became: Reverend Kathryn Johnson, to the glory of God.

Why am I sharing this? To let you know you are not what the world says you are. You are who GOD SAYS YOU ARE! You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), the head not the tail, above not beneath (Deuteronomy 28:13). Don't allow negative feelings of low self-worth, low self-esteem keep you from listening to God’s calling. Your call made be to something totally different, but God has ordained each of us to do something that is uniquely for us. Pray that you will recognize the voice of The Holy Spirit and heed His urging. Pray for God’s truth not what you perceive as truth. Avoid a wilderness journey, but if you find yourself in the wilderness, know that God is with you and will make a way for you through the wilderness. Your wrong decision may make the journey longer, but you’ll make it through with the help of the Lord. Just make sure you learn the lesson of the desert so as not to revisit it.

Jumping

Jumping

Its hard to believe we are at midyear 2018. This year that will be over in the blink of an eye, as God permits. What will your testimony be? I learned long ago not to make resolutions because when I don't achieve them, feelings of failure can be so overwhelming. So, 2018 began with a new approach. Transitioning was the theme for this year; taking a risk, making a change, leaping or "jumping" into my future; into the unknown of God's destiny for me. As a Christian, I view this as following the direction of the Holy Spirit. God has deposited in each of us gifts and talents yet it is up to us to wait, listen, prepare, and move when its time. The windows of opportunity are open for a short period of time. When they close, the opportunity closes with them. Is now the time to move? What does God say? Challenges at every hand may cause you to stop, detour, wait. Now I see it as God's Divine intervention. God has been preparing you for your destiny. When you're in a state of preparation, its always best to move with caution and not heed to your own limited understanding. As you become more prepared, your vision is more focused, your energies are in alignment with your passions, and you find yourself in the starting block. On your mark, get set, GO! Let's run this year out together.

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The Beauty of Brokeness

The Beauty of Brokenness

Most if not all of us are familiar with the story of Job. Job, a righteous man of God, blameless and upright before God, wealthy beyond measure; a family man blessed with many children, livestock. Job who early in the morning offered burnt offerings just in case one of his children MIGHT have sinned against God. Yes, that Job.

How many of you know that Satan can’t stand to see men and women of God praying, communing with their creator? Furious, Satan decided to interrupt the morning State of Creation meeting between God and His angels.  Indulge my sanctified imagination as I envision God going down the roll of angels; each giving an update on the activities of their specific Heavenly assignments. God, knowing Satan had infiltrated the Holy meeting, finally looked at Satan, acknowledging his presence by asking “From where have you come?” Satan’s response: “From roaming around the earth and walking around on it”. That roaring lion was seeking whom he could devour.

God, then asks “Have you considered My servant Job? For there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and abstains from and turns away from evil”. Satan suggests the only reason Job is blessed is because God has placed a hedge of protection around all that Job touches and does. Should that hedge be removed, Job would curse God to His face. God allows Satan to test Job, but he is not allowed to take Job’s life.

As the tests progress, Job loses EVERYTHING: servants, flocks, children and ultimately his health. Job’s friends arrive offering unsolicited and unhelpful advice and accusations. Even Mrs. Job urges Job to “Curse God and die”. Yet, even after questioning God about his predicament, Job does not curse God. “Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave and the Lord hath taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord” _{Job 1:21 KJV.} For Job’s faithfulness to God, he is blessed to recover double of all that was taken away. Job has more children, his wealth, servants, flocks and health are all restored. What remains is the scar or memory of the experience.

Meditate with me a moment as we look at the Beauty of Brokenness. Japanese culture has a term “Kintsukuroi” which means “To repair with Gold”. It is the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken. This ancient techniques repairs the broken pottery by sealing the pieces with resin mixed with gold or silver powder. It is then goes through the refiner’s fire again and comes out as a new piece reflective of the trauma it has gone through. The most devastated part of the piece has now become the most valuable. The scar is no longer something to be hidden or ashamed of; the piece is transformed and has become a new creation.

Doesn’t that sound familiar? “Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away; behold all things are become new”_{2 Cor. 5:17 KJV.} When something is broken, sometimes it can be fixed, repaired, healed, but it can never be returned to its original state. During an autopsy, even after death, scars remain. Evidence on the body or bones remains that can lead to discovery of the cause of death. Evidence is detectable upon close scrutiny.

Herein lies the beauty of Kintsukuroi. The object is repaired, but the evidence of, the test, trial, battle or break is still evident. Yet, the piece is beautiful because of the material used to repair it. Those gold or silver veins running through the piece add beauty and value. The veins are indicative of the struggle and what was given to make the repair. The object is a new creation that bears an outward symbol of the new life given to the piece through the healing veins flowing through it.

Veins are extremely important to us as humans. Veins and arteries carry our life blood to and from our hearts; distributing oxygen and other vital elements necessary for good health. So too as we look at the earth itself, veins run throughout the earth carrying elements such as gold, silver, rare gems and other minerals of great expense. These veins are created over thousands, maybe millions of years under great pressure, stress and strain.

This is exactly what God offers when we accept Jesus as our Savior. Our lives, souls are made more beautiful because under close scrutiny, as people observe you, they see the healed scars. What they actually see is the blood of Jesus flowing through you mending what was once broken. What they see is the luminosity of the Holy Spirit shinning from you, encouraging you and helping you become the person God intended you to be. As with Kintsukuroi pottery, you are more beautiful and valuable because of your blood-washed scars.

Each of us has experienced or are experiencing trials, tribulation, turmoil, whatever it is, you are left broken. God gives us a way of escape, a way to work towards wholeness, redemption, forgiveness, towards peace. Psalm 66:10 _AMP states: “You have tested us Oh God; you have refined us as silver is refined” and Job 23:10b _AMP states: “When He has tried me, I will come forth as [refined] gold [pure and luminous]”.

Jesus assured us that we would have tribulations, but He also assured us that He came into the world to give us hope; to overcome our struggles, to save us from our sins and redeem us unto God. Just as the horrific crucifixion experience left physical scars on our Savior, so to do our traumas leave scars on us. Physical scars, emotional scars, soul searing scars; we come forth by the blood of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit scarred, but praise God, healed. We come forth as new creations in Christ.

Sometimes, God chooses to allow our cracks to remain visible. Moses retained his stutter, Jacob retained his limp, and Paul’s thorn was never removed. God’s grace and mercy becomes the gold and silver that fills the cracks in our brokenness. It becomes the testimony we share with the world. It is our ever-present reminder of God’s sovereignty, of His love, of His faithfulness towards us. When we open our minds, hearts and souls and accept the salvific blood of Jesus, we, through the power of the Holy Spirit go through the process of Kintsukuroi. Like the broken pottery, we must lay ourselves, our burdens at the Altar of sacrifice; offer ourselves to Jesus to be infused with His love and peace; to be made whole.

Scripture states we are like a city set upon a hill that cannot be hidden. Like the repaired pottery, the light of Jesus flowing through our veins exudes a brightness that cannot be extinguished as long as we hold to His unchanging hand. The world knows what we’ve been through, and can see the new light and new life that has become the visible, healing scars that have made us whole. As believers, our lives should be a shining, luminous example to a sin sick world that through Jesus, there is new life, wholeness, love and peace.

If you are weary, broken, unsure of what lies ahead, there is hope for you. Jesus is waiting for you to make that life-changing decision to become a believer; to give your life to Christ. If you’re longing for peace, for joy, for hope I invite you to try Jesus. Give your life to the Bread of Life the Light of the world, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It’s not too late. Let Jesus mend the cracks, breaks, and tears in your life. Let His healing, redeeming, cleansing blood make you a new creation, make you whole.

God is Sovereign

Recently, there has been a surge in senseless violence within our communities. Of note are those who accuse God of not being sovereign or even real because innocent people (children) have died as a result. A horrific tragedy for the families. Inconsolable parents asking why? My heart breaks for them. As someone who has no biological children, I can't possible understand the weight of grief, anger, or as one mother recently put it "Numbness". I pray for these families as they begin to process the loss of a child due to ignorance and a lack of respect for human life.

Having said that, I return to the atheist's question of how can God be sovereign if he can't protect an innocent child from this fate? God, through the Holy Spirit, protects us daily. I don't have the answers to why bad things happen to good people. What I do have is an experience. in 1994, my eldest brother was taken from us. Not due to gun violence, but from a sudden and massive heart attack. He was 36. My brother was a great guy, a career Air Force officer, physically fit. Was he perfect, no, far from it. Yet he was a great guy. Talented, handsome, brilliant, creative, a good son and brother. Yet, God saw fit to take him from us. Why, I raged.

For a long time, I questioned God as to why the good ones were taken. You see growing up, there were the good guys (like my brother) who pretty much stayed out of trouble and those who did everything they were raised not to do. Why would a good God take the good ones like my brother and leave the others here to continue lives of drugs (using and selling), alcohol, and violence? In particular, every time I would see a neighborhood guy (a troublemaker from childhood), I would cry out "Why is he still alive and my brother is dead". Real talk. After years of raging and tears, I've come to this conclusion. GOD IS SOVEREIGN. In His sovereignty, God touched the lives of the troubled ones left behind. Now, three of them are saved and preaching the Gospel. Sharing testimonies of the ones taken.

This is not an easy thing to wrap one's head around; Why do bad things happen to good people?. It is an age old question. We won't know the answer until we get to the other side (and there is an other side). Why do parents who prayed fervently for a child have to watch that child die of cancer? Why does a solider survive war only to come home and be killed by a random bullet? Why does a mother die giving birth to a child? Why, why, why??? God if you're real, how can you allow these things to happen. No answers come to mind, nor can they because of the sovereignty of God.

We look at the world through finite human eyes. God CREATED the world using infinite divine vision. We don't know how all of these things work together, but God has a plan. I know personally, the void left by my brother's death cause numerous beneficial things to take shape. I still mourn his death, tears come at unexpected and sometimes inconvenient times. Yet, I know his death pulled our family closer together and planted a seed in my other brother's salvation. GOD IS SOVEREIGN, He makes all things work together for good for those who love Him and are the called according to His purpose.

Know this, God is even using your unbelief to draw people unto Himself. We can't convince you of the existence of God. We don't have to, God himself can convince you in ways you can't even imagine. I thank God for the privilege of being able to question Him. Job questioned God.  Paul questioned God. Jesus questioned God. Job said, thou He slay me, yet will I trust Him. God told Paul after denying his request, "My grace is sufficient for you". Jesus said to God, Nevertheless, not My will, but thine be done". I say, I trust and rely on your sovereignty God. I have faith that in Your time and Your way, you will reveal the answers to our questions.

I pray you open your eyes, heart and mind; that you let God soften your hardened hearts before its too late.